Ep 13, No Days Off: Six Months of Kindness with Francesca Donlan

Episode 13 – No Days off: Six Months of Daily Kindness with Francesca Donlan

In this uplifting episode, I sit down again with writer and kindness advocate, educator, nominated for a Pulitzer Prize 2 times in journalism Francesca Donlan to celebrate her halfway milestone in her Year of Kindness challenge. Francesca has spent 180 consecutive days practicing intentional, creative acts of kindness—documenting each one and inspiring a growing global community along the way.

We explore:
 🌿 How kindness became a daily practice (even on the hardest days)
 💡 Why she doesn’t count “ordinary kindness” and holds herself to a higher standard
 🌍 The ripple effect of small gestures—like paying for coffee that inspired strangers across continents
 🫶 How kindness improves mental, emotional, and even physical health
 💖 The importance of vulnerability, self-compassion, and embracing our worthiness to receive kindness

Whether you’re sober, seeking purpose, or simply want more positivity in your day, Francesca’s stories will remind you that one act of kindness can change everything.

Resources & Links:
• Follow Francesca’s journey on LinkedIn: Francesca Donlan
• Join the $10 Kindness Club on Facebook
• Learn more about kindness research and how to start your own practice

🎧 Listen now and discover why there are no days off from kindness.

#KindnessChallenge #SobrietyNowWhat #KindnessIsContagious #RecoveryPodcast #DailyKindness #KindnessMatters #PositiveVibes #MentalHealthAwareness #SelfCompassion #BeTheChange

Invitation to consider at least one helpful piece of information to help them thrive in their sobriety and to share with podcast with others and to follow and email questions. 

Transcript

Ep 13, No Days Off, 6 months of kindness Francesca Donlan

Speaker 3: [00:00:00] Welcome back, Francesca Donlan. If you remember, Francesca is here for episode three on an episode on kindness and the importance of that.

And we have her back today because she's doing a year of kindness. And this is her halfway mark, about six months, and we're gonna check in with her to see how that's going. Is it easy, is it not? Are any tips of, that we can do and what she's learned from it? Francesca, first of all, let me just welcome you and say welcome to the podcast again.

Speaker 4: Thank you, Stu. 

Speaker 3: Looking back over this past six months, I can't believe it's been like six months since we even did this podcast. It's maybe what has surprised you the most about practicing daily kindness? 

Speaker 4: Let's see. Today is my 100th and 80th day. Yay. Out practicing kindness. And what has surprised me?

That's a good question. I, in preparation for this podcast, I created things like high school most popular. I did a little thing like. [00:01:00] Most creative, most enduring. So I don't know. What has surprised me, I guess surprised me is that I've done it and I've done it creatively, so that I've only really duplicated a few times.

And when I did that, they weren't that similar. They were similar themes, but not that similar. So I guess that's, I guess that what surprises me most is that there are 180 days in which I have committed kindness and I've rarely duplicated. 

Speaker 3: Okay. And now we all have, some days are better than others.

Was there a day when it felt hardest to do your act of kindness and what helped you through those days when you're just like am I really feeling kind today?

Speaker 4: Yes, because not every day offers you opportunities to be kind. You have to really, my goal is that they're organic, right?

That I wake up and I think about what am I gonna do? That's kind today, and I hope that I am going to have an opportunity to be kind. But some days you're working all day, you're isolated. [00:02:00] You're preoccupied and you don't have an opportunity. So at the last minute, I have to like really think hard. So my funniest one was with my friend Dana in I was visiting Florida and I was in, we were in Cape Coral and it was dinner time and I, we were at a Mexican restaurant and I hadn't done anything kind all day.

And when I say that, I don't count kindness to friends or family. Like I don't count what I call just basic kindness. I wouldn't say oh, I drove my friend to the market. That's that. It has to be different. In my mind. I can't exactly tell you, but it has to be different. I'm with Dana at this Mexican restaurant and I'm getting a little nervous 'cause it's seven.

I'm a done anything. So I asked the waiter is anybody's birthday today? Anybody? Is there anyone in this entire restaurant that's having a birthday? And there was like four people in the restaurant and he is no, there is no one having a birthday. And he thought it was a little nutty.

And so I was like, okay. And so we have our dinner. Me paying for my friend to have dinner doesn't count for me. So [00:03:00] I, so we're walking down the road, the streets of Cape Coral, and we're just getting like giggly because I'm like, does anybody want me to help you cross the street? Not really saying that, but to my friend or like my friends pretending to trip so I could capture, we're just being rolly silly.

So I get home at 10 o'clock and I still haven't done it. And. Staying with a friend, and I realize that her plant outside is dying. So I go to Walmart and I get a plant holder and I replant the pot at 11 o'clock and I bring it inside because it's actually an indoor plant. It shouldn't even have been out there in the first place, and sweltering Florida heat.

And so right under the wire. My kindness was staving a plant. So many of them, most of them have gone better than that, but that was my like, oh, I don't know if I'm gonna make it. 

Speaker 3: Wow, you really put those constraints on what's kindness and what's not. It sounds like [00:04:00] you did actually lots of kind acts and you're like, Nope, I don't count those.

I don't count those. It's true. You sound a little tough on yourself. 

Speaker 4: I am. They have to be a certain kind because I will, I am kind and I will do kind things like, but I then I'll say no. I'm, yes. It's hard to explain my parameters, but not everything. 

Speaker 3: All right. You're like kindness 2.0 because for my listeners, I just recommend any kind you could do.

Feel free to do it. Like even if it's a kind like you had mentioned that you don't always have opportunities of kindness, so I'm gonna be like a little, devil's advocate for this, just because I wanna make kindness easier for myself and for others with less, stress and parameters.

Yes. So maybe we could be like kind to ourselves, where if we're having a bad day and we have a day off. Maybe we don't feel guilty if we don't hop at the shower. Like first thing of the morning. We stay at our PJ's all day, right? Yeah. Like maybe that could be okay. We just don't beat ourselves up or criticize ourselves for that.

So I think there's more [00:05:00] opportunities for kindness out there than you even give it credit for.

Speaker 4: It's true. I want to say to your listeners, you can be kindest opening the door, but I'm blogging about it, so that's not a good photo and it's not a good story.

You know what I mean? So yes, this is 2.0. I'm trying to create stories around my kindness to make them interesting. But yes, opening the door, taking a nap all the things just, if you just don't hurt anyone, just don't hurt anyone. How about that? 

Speaker 5: Support life. Yes. Of spirit, our soul, 

Speaker 4: Minimize the suffering. 

Speaker 5: That's right. 

Speaker 4: Minimize the suffering is kind. Yes. I'm just trying to do mine for public consumption, which makes it like a higher standard is all I'm trying to say. 

Speaker 5: I love that you put that higher standard on the public consumption. 'cause I think the public is a lot simpler than you're giving us credit for.

Speaker 3: So true. True. And maybe one will be like, oh, I wasn't able to do a thing of [00:06:00] kindness. And then you could be kind for yourself or allowing yourself not to have a kindness practice in your, I'll 

Speaker 4: be book, I'll be booking a session with you about that because that's not gonna happen. 

Speaker 5: Okay. Alright. I like the enthusiasm.

I feel the passion. Alright. No, there are no days off. I'm not proud. There are no days off of kindness. I like it. I think that could be a bumper sticker. It might be a long bumper sticker, 

Speaker 3: no days off. Have you noticed any changes in yourself emotionally, mentally, or even physically since you started?

Yes. What? I'm happier. 

Speaker 4: Nice. I'm healthier. I'm healthier. For example, I. Get bronchitis every single February, every single one. And sometimes when I'm super lucky I get pneumonia and this year I sailed through February without a sniffle. I have not had a cold, I have not had a single health issue.

It is now, we are almost into [00:07:00] July, which is pretty amazing considering. That I'm out in the world a lot, do you know, because I like to do my kindnesses out in the world. Now granted, I am getting surgery for my ankle, but that's just something that I wore out. 

Speaker: Yeah, actually, yeah, that's right. 

Speaker 4: That doesn't count.

Speaker: I agree. 

Speaker 4: But it will teach me how to be kind to myself for six weeks in a cast and how to be kind to others. It's gonna be a big test. 

Speaker 3: Yes. 'cause you're go. And you're not gonna be able to go. So you're gonna be like, it's like your mind is gonna be going, your body's gonna be like, no. And you're like, what?

So you get to practice lot of kindness to yourself. 

Speaker 2: I do. 

Speaker 3: Very nice. 

Speaker 2: Down. I like it. It 

Speaker 3: . How have people responded to your posts about your kindness acts? Any reactions that especially touched you or stand out to you, or have you had much reaction from the public?

Speaker 4: That's a good question. I have to say [00:08:00] that my, the act of my posting kindnesses has. Linked me to this enormous kindness community. So as a result of doing this practice, I've met a ton of people on LinkedIn. I'm starting a kind, a global kindness summit with one of them. 

Speaker 5: That's awesome. 

Speaker 4: In May 20, 26, I've just had some great conversations.

I just, there's more people than we know that are practicing kindness in ways we don't even know about and I didn't know about. So I'm connected to this beautiful kindness community. My favorite reactions are just when people wanna. Tell me they did something kind. That's my favorite thing, and I'm a big, I talk a lot about this one piece of it, which is that people are hesitant to post kindness. I think we've talked about that before. Like they have no problem flipping someone off on the highway. We have no problem hearing someone complain for an [00:09:00] hour about whatever the problem is.

But the minute someone says can I tell you? I, I bought a homeless man lunch. Or I help held my teacher, my daughter's teacher while she cried, or whatever. Whatever's happening in our lives, we don't wanna share it because it's like braggy or, oh my God. People will think I'm showing off.

And when in fact, if you can share that you, but that you gave the cashier at your local grocery store a snicker bar on your way out, people will copy it. It's contagious. So I say, please don't hoard your kindnesses. Particularly now, 

Speaker: yes, 

Speaker 4: Share, share that you're being kind with others because you want it to be contagious.

You wanna light their candle, you wanna get this world back on. Its feet being kind. So when you don't share and you hoard you you're dimming the light. 

Speaker 3: Yes. And it could ripple around the world in ways that we don't even know. 

Speaker 4: Oh my gosh. Lemme tell you about that. [00:10:00] 

Speaker 3: Oh, do 

Speaker 4: I talked to this guy again.

I met him through LinkedIn. This lovely man, he lives in Luxembourg. And I posted that I was at a Wendy's. I. Drive through and there was a guy behind me and I paid, I paid for his $6, whatever it was, and I called it ca Cash and Dash or something like that. Anyway, I talked to this guy a week later and he told me that he read the Post and that day or the next day he was getting coffee and he bought five people in line with coffee.

Speaker 3: Oh, that's awesome. 

Speaker 4: It was my first global 

Speaker 3: Wow. In Luxembourg. Yeah. Holy goodness. 

Speaker 4: So I was delighted to think that it had gone so far. 

Speaker 3: Okay. That's fantastic. And also the person you're doing the summit with, isn't he from another country or something? Yeah, he is from, he lives in London. There you go.

Yeah. World. So 

Speaker 4: there's my other global connection. 

Speaker 3: I love it. Very nice. Now, in being a [00:11:00] part of this community big, it seems like it's expanding. Has your understanding or definition of kindness evolved since you began this project? I know that you have your standards for yourself, but in general.

Have you noticed, have you changed your definition or do you feel like the one you have Nope, that's the one. 

Speaker 4: Somebody did ask me recently in my definition, and I have to say, and I don't know if this is lazy of me or I'm just too, I don't actually have a definition, I just have a feeling about it like, like to me kindness is do no harm and.

In my mind, it's about lighting candles, right? So if I do something kind to you, I want, I hope that you will then pay it forward, that you'll do something kind. I don't even wanna limit it with a definition. There's a million out there, but it's just like connecting your heart to someone else's heart or to something bigger than yourself in a very positive way.

I love it. And I do know that kindness is, I have found in this practice, it is an action, [00:12:00] right? So being nice is you can fake it and you can, anyone can do it, right? Yeah. 

Speaker 2: But 

Speaker 4: to be kind is an action. Whether you're giving a compliment, whether you're shoveling snow for someone, whether you're writing a letter, whether you're, yeah.

It's a, something you do that is positive, that puts. Positive energy into the world. 

Speaker 3: I love it. And the more that I am looking into how to improve the podcast or life in the world. 'cause there's some tough times out there. It really comes down to the heart, sharing the heart, uplifting people, feeling good.

Like when I do my podcast, it's like I wanna feel like energized and uplifted. And if I don't, then it's and that's not gonna make it on air. Like even the books I do or whatever, it's like I don't get any money for them or anything. It's just if this helped me, I think it could help somebody else.

Let's give it a try. So I love it lifting 

Speaker 4: everyone up. Yeah, 

Speaker 3: that's it. Yeah, that's exactly right. There's a a story of there's a word called entrainment. And so [00:13:00] it came from I think the word from like some Swiss clock maker in the 18 hundreds in Switzerland or something. And. He worked on these TikTok clocks like TikTok, and so he had these new clocks come into his shop, and he put 'em on the walls and they're all toing at different times, and he had to go away for a week on vacation when he came back.

They're all toing at the same rate. And so they call that entrainment, that, in the environment, like the energy, everything just synced up. And I think with this whole heart, with this kindness, with this ripple out, I think there's something to that. If we can get our heartbeat speeding at the same rate, if we can get that energy lever or that kindness out there, I think there's something to it.

I think it is contagious. And so I love that you're doing all this around the world. 

Speaker 4: Around the world. 

Speaker 3: Nice.

All right, so we're talking about the world. Do you feel the world has become more receptive to kindness or does it feel harder in today's climate? I. 

Speaker 4: Actually I was just thinking about that in my 180 acts of kindness. I have never [00:14:00] had a bad experience and I reflected on that. Meaning I've done some things that I have to go out of my comfort zone, like bringing candy to pilots.

I was nervous about that because I didn't know the rules and everything or or just calling a manager at the grocery store to. Give a cashier recognition for doing something sweet. She gave me a coupon that she didn't need to do. I get nervous about that because it's just I don't know the rules.

I don't I don't wanna have to inconvenience the manager to come all the way to the ca, whatever. But why I think that people are so receptive every single time is, maybe it's because there's a scarcity of it right now. Maybe it's because the news is so terrible and we're reading so much negativity and there's so much hate, let's face it.

That when someone really does go out of their way to be kind, I think people are surprised and appreciative. [00:15:00] 

Speaker: Yes. 

Speaker 4: I've not seen otherwise. 

Speaker 3: Yeah. Good. I'm glad you haven't seen otherwise. Are there any small acts of kindness you wish people would do more often?

Now, this is just us general 1.0 kindness people, that society without your parameters. What are some simple things that you notice that you're like, wow, I wish the world did more of this. 

Speaker 4: Smile. 

Speaker: Oh, that's a good one. Yes.

Speaker 4: It's when I walk by people, I am miss Kindness but I'm also a person and I get preoccupied and I'm thinking, and I just, the other day I was in my head and I was thinking, and a woman walked by me and she gave me the biggest smile, and I was so appreciative 

Speaker 2: yeah.

Speaker 4: Oh, and I smiled right back and I kept smiling. Like I, I think I. I think if we could just smile when we walk by each other, or we could even say good morning. We could even say Good afternoon. Or we could even say, or when we have the time to say, [00:16:00] how are you actually listen to the answer. 

Our Aunt Maha for listeners. 

She's in her nineties. She is amazing. Yes. 

And one of my favorite things that she does is she'll call up and she'll go, what's the story?

Hi, what's the story? Am I just love that because what is the story? What's going on? What am I doing? 

Speaker: Yeah, 

Speaker 4: just it's so 

Speaker: cute. 

Speaker 4: So anyways, that's nice. Shout out to Aunt Maha. 

Speaker 3: Yes. Hello, Maha. Well done. I'll get this out to you. All right, fantastic. Now, if someone wants to start their own kindness challenge, what would you recommend for getting started?

Speaker 4: I just reviewed my beginnings and they were slow. Like I didn't really know what I was doing and I. I, I am, I did I went to church once, which I actually am not a huge churchgoer, and I prayed for kindness. That was one of my first week as I was trying to figure out what to do, [00:17:00] I learned how to knit and knit my mama scarf.

Love it. I didn't know. But then as I got. Into it. It became this beautiful rhythm in my life. But how to start? They could start just smiling. They could start by volunteering. They could start by little things like right now a lot of food pantries are struggling because a lot of the monies have been cut off for food donations.

And so if you had a few spaghetti jars in your cupboard, drop 'em off at a local food pantry, it's easy. I have this it gets easier and I'll tell you, it's not easy. Like some of it requires you to be uncomfortable for a minute. Like when I do my like more stranger type things I'll tell you a quick one.

Speaker 5: Yeah. 

Speaker 4: I was having breakfast with my friend named Alyssa, and I had these cute little cards and I said, let's go let's leave compliment cards, like before we leave, let's go. I. 

Speaker 3: Oh fine. 

Speaker 4: And there was a mother and her adorable daughter, and they looked like they were, the daughter was like five and they looked [00:18:00] like they were just having the best breakfast, and they were just so happy.

And I said let's write compliment cards and we'll just walk over and give them to her. Melissa, she's, that's not normal. A normal thing. People, she was like, we're gonna, what? We're gonna do what? So first we had to figure out how, what the compliment was, because it's not that easy.

'cause Melissa would write like. I think about, I eye statements. I think you're doing a great job. You're a great mom. And I'm like that's you. That's you. 

Speaker 5: Anyway. Maybe you put that on your own bathroom every morning and read it.

Speaker 4: It's a lot of eyes. So finally we've settled on.

You are awesome. Love it. Okay. Because we go over there and we just say, I sorry to interrupt you, but you two are adorable, and we'd have these compliment cards for you. You would've thought it was Christmas. Oh, that's awesome. They dumped up hugs, delighted pictures, and I, that was uncomfortable for Melissa.

And it was, not totally normal for me, but I pushed myself to do some of these things, and [00:19:00] it always is wonderful. 

Speaker 3: I love that so much. I was just thinking about someone I was listening to something that was talking about scavenger hunts, and it was a very like scavenger hunt things that I'd be like cringey of doing.

But I, as you were talking, I was like, how fun would it be to have 20 or 50 things in your city or town or community to do 50 kindness acts a day. Whether it's hey, maybe if you put 60 sticky or one sticky note in 10 different restaurant mirrors and you take photos of 'em, right? Or you do a kind act and you like have, oh, I gotta check this off.

Like that could be really fun and funny. That'd be a lot of laughs and a lot of photos. That'd be 

Speaker 4: so fun. 

Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, that's a great 

Speaker 4: idea. 

Speaker 3: That would be fun. Scavenger hunt of kindness. And they have to take photos of those acts. Okay. That's fantastic. 

Speaker 4: I love that. 

Speaker 3: Yeah, like I could just 

Speaker 4: start it here. I could just start it.

Speaker 3: Yeah, you could. I was just thinking like you could go to a library and put like happy, like messages in three books, random books, right? Like you could go to a [00:20:00] bookstore or. It doesn't even have to cost anything. You could paint the rock that says, oh my gosh, you're fantastic. And leave it on someone's doorstep and like with a little heart or something.

Speaker 4: Oh my gosh. Or just hide them around and let people find them. 

There's tons of free things, tons. Tons. Yeah, I did. I did just a really easy one the other day. I was pumping gas and it was 97 degrees here in Rhode Island and I was hot and I was thinking about how hot I was and then I saw this sign that said buy two Gatorades, get one free.

And I thought I'm gonna go do that and then find people who are hot. And then just as I was walking out of, after buying them a landscape truck was right in front of me and they were just finished pumping gas. I gave it to the two guys. I'm a total stranger. I walk up to the, I walk up to their window and they're front and I'm like, hi, you want a Gatorade?

It's hot out. And they're just like, yes. You know what I mean? 

Speaker 5: I bet they did what on Gatorade? They, 

Speaker 4: and they were gulping it like you wouldn't believe. But I that, that's. That's not a normal thing to do, but [00:21:00] I'm, but I do it and I don't have any problems. And maybe it's 'cause I'm like a middle aged woman and I'm not very threatening and maybe I wouldn't advise this for a 13-year-old girl, or I wouldn't, I don't know.

You gotta I wouldn't take stranger danger risks with young people, but I am, I feel pretty confident that this is all that. That I'm safe. And it's, 

Speaker 3: yeah, I love that. You're right, because guys will interpret kindness from young, beautiful women as something different than just, Hey, it's an act of kindness.

Has nothing to do about you guy. I'm thinking you might be physically hot, not physic. Like heat hot, not sexy, hot. There's, I'm trying to distinguish. I, 

Speaker 4: I think I could say that I'm both, let 

Speaker 3: me of course. Yes. I.

You're right. So I think you're right. You have to find what's in your safety. Yes. Get out of your comfort zone enough to be kind to others, but not so much where you're putting yourself in a questionable situation. Exactly. Okay. Nice. And we have to trust our heart again. Just goes back down to our heart.

It feels good. Do that. 

Speaker 2: Yep. 

Speaker 3: You don't want like stalkers? Okay. No a turn. 

Maybe not. [00:22:00] Give a Gatorade to someone in a white van and it this one guy and he is come on in here. And you're like, 

Speaker 2: okay. 

Speaker 3: No, do not do 

Speaker 5: that. Don't do that. Up the Gatorade. Run all we this.

Speaker 3: Alright, here's another question. Alright, so this one actually, I really do, I've experienced it myself and I've had clients come in and this is a big one. What would you say to someone who feels unworthy of receiving kindness or struggles to accept it? Because I can't tell you how many people come into my office and their people pleasers and their caretakers, and they're very kind people, but when it comes in their direction or asking for help or, oh my gosh, they're like they hate it.

Speaker 4: Yes. This is what I would tell them. First of all, I have the same problem. I think a lot of 

Speaker 3: people do. I think a lot of times we I'm the same way I'm doing this podcast to learn about myself and to help others. We're all teaching what we need to learn ourselves. Yeah. 

Speaker 4: I'll just tell you a really quick one that just happened to me, and then I'll [00:23:00] tell you what I would say to your.

People. 

Speaker 2: Yeah. 

Speaker 4: Okay. So I have this ankle issue and I was I do PR and I edit books as well as Be Kind. And I had a client and she wanted, I was editing her book and she wanted to meet me the next to, she wanted to zoom the next morning early. 

Speaker 2: Yeah. 

Speaker 4: And I said, this is exactly what I said. I said, I would love to, but I have to get an MRI on my stupid foot.

Then there was a pause, and this wonderful woman said, did you just call your foot stupid? Did you just call the foot that has held you up for your whole life? Stupid. And then she got choked up. She's like, how could you call your foot? That's in so much pain. Needs so much love, stupid. And I felt that in myself.

Yeah. I like she studies pain. She has been in pain. [00:24:00] She's a huge believer that we must be kind to ourselves and our bodies, and especially when our bodies are in pain, that we do not speak meanly to our bodies. I took that message to heart and I am so nice to that ankle. I just, I'm like, let's go, honey.

Speaker 3: I love that. Thanks for supporting me all these years. Yeah. I'm gonna help you out. Thank you. I know you're tired. My time. Yeah, you're 

Speaker 4: tired. We're gonna give you a rest. And. And I certainly could use to slow down a little. So we're gonna slow down, we're gonna take care of each other. But I thought that was a beautiful thing she taught me.

So I'm gonna work more on that. Being kind to myself and being proud to be kind to yourself because self-compassion has a million benefits. Million, 

Speaker 2: yes. 

Speaker 4: Decreases depression, decreases anxiety, increases longevity. Like it, it just, if you can be good to yourself, you can even, you can be better to other people.

It's just, [00:25:00] I don't know why we're conditioned so many of us to not accept help, but. You also give the helper such a boost too. A helper's high. You get, you give people a chance to help you. Like back to this ankle, our cousin Susie found me a little a little like knee scooter. Nice. And she like called all these places and went on Facebook and she's so delighted with it and I'm so appreciative, but part of me was like, oh, I don't think she should go to all this trouble. And then I was like, screw it. Like she's great at it and she did it and I'm so happy. And she's happy. 

Speaker 3: Yeah. Love it. It feels good to be kind to others and to help others. 

Speaker 4: Totally. Feels good to help others. 

Speaker 3: . Going into this year of kindness, did you have any expectations? What do you hope to learn or experience in the second half of your year of kindness? Do you have any are you just taking a day at a time and just seeing what evolves out of it? 

Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't have [00:26:00] any expectations.

I think of it as when I first started it, I was scared. One, could I do it? It's vulnerable to be posting every day about your life. I wasn't sure if that was like a good call, but I think it ha, I think I can say it has been, and like any practice, I just wanna get better at it like. I think of kindness as a muscle like that we have to practice and I just wanna get stronger muscles.

I just wanna be good at it. I want it to be part of my life. And yeah I wanna continue to think about kindness instead of a lot of other really terrible things. So I can think about, but also. To be clear, just because I do something kind every day doesn't mean that I, I'm in la land, right?

I think that what I'm gonna learn by the end of this year, especially because of my surgery, is [00:27:00] that I've been disappointed, frustrated, sad, exhausted in pain. I've been in a pain, in pain, actually a lot in the last three months, and I've still been kind. So I think that it's a practice and that I'm gonna learn more about being in more pain.

Like I, I'm gonna have to ask people to help me. 

Speaker 2: Yeah. 

Speaker 4: And I'm gonna have to give back when I probably don't feel like it. So I think I'm just getting an extra challenge. 

Speaker 3: I think you're gonna take this kindness to a new level. That, the universe is yeah, you wanna do some kindness, let's work on yourself some more.

Yeah, we're done. We're gonna make it so you can't move and focus on everyone else. Yes, 

Speaker 4: and I did, speaking of, I think, I'm not sure what my today's kindness will be, but I think it might be something that I'm doing for myself, which is I am worried about having to be [00:28:00] still,

Speaker 2: yeah. I'll have 

Speaker 4: a cast on and I'm a little bit worried about that.

So last night I put up a gaz. I bought a gazebo you know those tents that are like tall, but they're screened in for mosquitoes? 

Speaker: Yeah. 

Speaker 4: I am creating my own little, and I'm, I was gonna originally call it the medic tent. And then I was like that is not a positive, that those are not positive words.

So now I'm calling it Healing Haven. 

Speaker: Nice. 

Speaker 4: And I'm gonna, and I put, and I'm gonna put kindness welcome. 

Speaker 5: I love it. 

Speaker 4: And I'm gonna have a rec client, like a little line. Lo chair in there, lo lounge, chair, whatever. And I'm gonna put lights up and I'm gonna make it a place that I feel like I can heal and be happy 

Speaker 3: and rejuvenate.

I love it. 

Speaker 4: Outside of the house. Yeah. Yeah. 

Speaker 3: I think that's fantastic. I think intention is so important. I just recently did, I think episode 12 on upcoming podcast, [00:29:00] and I had this one affirmation or phrase where I encourage people to say, every day, today is filled with, new opportunities and something wonderful is gonna happen to me today.

And what I love about your kindness daily. Acts is that you're gonna have so many more stories. A bank of stories of goodness that your brain and subconscious is, can has a wider kind of a net to throw out into the world to catch, kind acts or wonderful things because I've noticed that since I've been doing this this phrase.

I'll see like something that I feel is wonderful. Again, that's a heart thing. It's oh, that, that seems wonderful. That's a nicer kind thing. And that phrase will pop up and it's oh yeah, I did see something wonderful today. There it is. And so I love these acts of kindness because when you go into the tent, you're not thinking medic.

'cause when you think of medic goes to us to be sick, it's oh, this is like a healing rejuvenating. Yes. 

Speaker 4: Retreat. 

Speaker 3: Retreat. Yes. 

Speaker 4: Like 

Speaker 3: it's a lucky me. That's right. [00:30:00] Exactly. Yeah. I love it. All right, let's see here.

All right. What role does vulnerability play in kindness, and how has that shown up for you this year? Because I think some people view kindness as a weakness. I do not, but I think some people do. Oh, let me just share okay. Hold onto that question. Okay, because I'm gonna go on a little tangent. Bear with me.

Okay. I was with a person years and years ago, we were driving this, like through the desert. We're at this one stop place and this beautiful like vintage car comes up like a Corvette. It was a two seater. It was like a sports fairly fast car. I'm not really a car guy, so I don't know which one it was, but, the person I was with, I was like, oh, that's such a cool car I wanna go over and talk to 'em about it and see what year and it's a convertible and it's like a hot day and they have the window down and they're like young. I was like, that's so cool. Like they gotta be feel pretty good about themselves.

And the person I was with was like, don't do that. That's what they want. I was like, what do you mean? It's they're [00:31:00] just showing off. And I'm like, yeah, I would too if I had that car. Yes, I wanna support that. Say thank you. 'cause I like seeing that car. Like I would've seen this car if they weren't.

And but she rained on my parade and I was like, all right. And then I got all self-conscious and I was like maybe I'm doing the wrong thing. But what my heart was saying, it's like, Hey, I want to share appreciation. I want to share. Wow, you look beautiful. Like I had this person come up to me the other day.

In this fun like twirly dress, like just didn't know the person. And I was like, and I wanted to say, wow, what a fun twirly dress. But I was like, oh, but she's a woman. She's kinda my age. She may think I'm gonna hit on her. And so I don't it was totally innocent. It wasn't like anything and.

And I didn't, but I was like, oh, I wish I could tell her. But I feel like there's so many restrictions, some restrictions you put on yourself as far as what's the kind act and what's not. And it's so vulnerability does play a role in this of what are people gonna think? Are they gonna make fun of me?

Are they gonna do you think that plays a role in [00:32:00] it? 

Speaker 4: Yeah, I do. I think in your instance, yeah. That's, that is a. Very common story. You think something kind, but you don't say it. I think a lot of people feel that way and in when I taught my kindness class, we practiced Think it say it 'cause saying, I love your fun twirly dress.

I just can't imagine would offend anyone. I don't think so unless, you know what I say to my students? You know when it's creepy, 

Speaker 5: right? 

Speaker 4: If it's just kind, just say it. When you're being like weird. Don't say the weird thing, say the kind thing.

And I do that a lot. I And when you mean it, right? Yes, 

Speaker 3: for sure. Buy 

Speaker 4: me with a kindness t-shirt on. Of course. I was like, love your t-shirt. I say that, but vulnerability is part of being kind. It, I felt vulnerable doing this. I felt vulnerable thinking that. It looked braggy. Yeah, but I didn't care.

I didn't care. 'cause I do believe we gotta light the [00:33:00] candles and if I'm just standing alone lighting a candle, then I'm just standing alone. And there's a story about this guy who was standing in front of the White House with a little protest sign and someone said to him, you think you're gonna change the world with your dumb protest sign?

And he said, I might not change them, but I'm not gonna let them change me. Yeah. And so that's how I feel. But the acts of kindness themselves, they, I do feel vulnerable like many times. Like I never know if someone's not gonna want it. 

Like if they're not gonna want my Gatorade or if they're not gonna want my compliment, or if they're not gonna want whatever I've come up with and I have to put myself out there to ask.

Speaker: Yes. 

Speaker 4: But so far no. I have and I've never I don't have one negative story to tell. 

Speaker 3: That's awesome. I because it does I've heard it so many times where people will squish, [00:34:00] like squelch or put out the fire of kindness. Like I had this one woman where she took us all out, it was this guy's birthday and there's 10 of us, and.

She was very affluent Will to do, but she didn't come across as that. But she, we everybody knew like she like was loaded, right? But that was never an issue. But so she secretly paid for the meal for everybody. I. Even though the guy, it was their wedding anniversary or something, he was gonna do it, but she did it secretly.

And he's no one's ever done that for me. And this was a relative of his. And it's because they all had money and it was just, they had issues with money. Yeah. And and I went up to, and so later, a few days later, I ran into her and I was just somehow sitting next to her and I just, it was awkward and I was just like, Hey, I just wanna say I really thank you for.

Pain for that brunch. That was like, so you. And she looks at me with this like relief oh. Oh my gosh. My mom told me I was showing off and I was, and I was being so disrespectful that I was making it came across that I was better than [00:35:00] everyone or more richer. And I've been feeling terrible this whole time because I thought I offended people and I was like, you did not offend me.

And I don't know anybody. In fact, I talked to the guy and he really loved it 'cause he didn't experience this and. And there's a lot of issues with money and the generosity. It's that really warmed everyone's heart. She's this weight you could visually see come off of your shoulders.

And I was like, how is that possible? You have all this money that could do, put so much relief on other people that it's like that. Oh my gosh. You're judging yourself. It is burdening you. Yeah. Yes. And I hear that so much that people with a lot of money have burdens like that. I'm okay to try have a few of those burden.

I don't have 

Speaker 4: those burdens. 

Speaker 3: I don't have those burdens 

Speaker 5: either. 

Speaker 3: Please 

Speaker 4: burden me. Yes, 

Speaker 5: please. Gimme a few of those burdens. 

Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was just thinking about this woman because she had a very critical mother, right? Very controlling. Yes. And I thought, so many people who grew up with caretakers who are controlling, who give [00:36:00] you know the present they think is gonna be great for the mom or dad's birthday, and they criticize it, oh, it's too big, you spent too much money.

Why'd you like, and then they stop. Because they're like, oh, people are just gonna judge me. It's not gonna be good enough. I'm unworthy and I just wanna let the world know you're worthy. You're enough. Please be kind to people. If they don't like it, then avoid them. Don't talk about. Don't be vulnerable around them.

Hang out with them. Yeah. But push yourself and go to strangers and. Smile and compliment people, even if it's at a drive through. So if they give you an attitude, which I've never had anyone gimme an attitude to being compliment everyone's not getting paid enough. Like at least they can pay 'em some compliments.

But if they don't like it, you can just drive away. There's no attachment to this whole thing. Just like what you said let's lay a wildfire of uplifting people. 

Speaker 4: And haven't you met people? Like just the other day, I, a woman told me, oh my gosh, I was at the Starbucks and the person paid for me.

I experienced it, and she was all lit up. You'll never know how you lit up that person, but you can be assured, [00:37:00] like even Wendy's, man, I just. Briefly looked as I was dashing out and he just looked surprised. Yeah. That's the look that he had on his face. What? 

Speaker: Yeah. 

Speaker 4: And it was like, that's not why I did it.

I don't need to see a surprise. But it was fun to see it. And who knows what kind of day that guy was having? Who know, who knows? Yeah. Six bucks. That's right. And I just, there's so much we can do right now, and. Especially right now. Just especially. 

Speaker: Yeah, I agree. 

Speaker 3: And for all of you who are actually the people who are working on those fast food joints or those drive-throughs, you have such an amazing ability to compliment every driver that comes through there.

Can you imagine they're like, you look amazing to every driver. They'll be like, they will remember that for at least 10 more miles of their drive. True. I mean that they could be like, kindness, like dropping kindness bombs all over the place. Yeah. Uplifting the whole city and not even knowing it.

Speaker 4: Totally. I'm that more power 

Speaker 3: than I thought. Yeah. 

Speaker 4: I was thinking [00:38:00] about my healing haven and putting up like, if I get really bored, like just like I could put up different signs, like compliment center and then if they came in I'd have to compliment them or something, yes. I don't know. I just.

We can do so much to lift each other up. 

Speaker 3: Yeah, no I agree. And I think it all starts with us, so I think we have to be kind to ourselves first. And that's sometimes the toughest. And if we're not able to, then absolutely ki be kind to those around us because it's, maybe that's where it's easier to start.

. And there's gonna be haters out there. So that Starbucks example that you had, I love that. And I've done that.

And then I had someone come up to me, I don't know if they came up to me, but was talking to me and they said, those Starbucks people who are behind the counter and people pay forward, they don't like that because it causes problems with the blah, blah, blah. And I'm like. Really that's what we're focusing on is.

Hey, if that's a problem for baristas Starbucks, let's step that up a little. [00:39:00] Let's change the system to make kindness a little better. I think there's a new CEO up there. And if you wanna Send a few free Starbucks Ks My Wit Sobriety now what?

Send them along 

Speaker 4: Starbucks cards. Readily welcome. 

Speaker 5: That's right. 

Speaker 4: Yeah that's a no person. You, everyone has no people in their lives. You have a good idea. And so they say no or no, we gotta, you gotta, when both of us had opportunities to be in Betty Ford.

Not for personal reasons. For professional 

Speaker 5: reasons, yeah. Yes. For learning about the whole program. Yes. 

Speaker 4: And, one of the books that was the bestselling book there when I was there. It was a while ago. I was a journalist and I was doing a story on their 20th anniversary. Was, and we both 

Speaker 3: got to do a week long in residency there with everyone.

Yeah. Yeah. We got to meet the, we did. It was president, everyone, it was fantastic. Okay. Yeah. Sorry. Continue. 

Speaker 4: It's right. And the book was. Why your life sucks. Okay. And the, I'll never forget it. That was the name of the book, why Your Life Sucks. And then you open it and the [00:40:00] first chapter is, your Life Sucks because the people you hang out with lives suck.

And that is, that has stayed with me forever because I. When I find myself in the middle of a really, a bunch of negative people. Yes. Even recently at physical therapy, I had a very negative guy and I was like, when I can, I don't, so I went to another PTA place and they were all up really upbeat, like I limit.

That's another thing. I've done this here. I just limit how much time I have to be around really negative people. Yeah, it's very draining. Very draining. Yes. So it's good. That's another kind thing you can do to yourself is just take a check around and see what the people around you bring to your life, and if they're lifting you up or if they're pushing you down and if they're pushing you down, why?

Why? Why are you doing that? Why? Yeah. 

Speaker 3: Yeah, and oftentimes there's guilt or shame that they're putting on you and you feel deflated and you feel like [00:41:00] powerless. It's like we have power, we. Yeah there's that book that you recommended to me, years ago called not Nice by Dr. Aziz, who actually, I wanna see if I can come on the show and talk to him.

But he talks about people pleasing and how being nice actually yeah. To we have to sacrifice something for that. And to maybe rethink it. And just because family is blood doesn't mean if they're toxic. I don't know if it's killing you and sucking your energy and your soul like less, less is more on that one.

Yeah. And so I always think, move towards people who inflate you like a balloon. Make you feel good, make you feel energized, increase your self-esteem and move away from people who deflate you, suck out your energy and just take the air out of the room. It's and you know it, 'cause like you said, you feel it.

Speaker 4: And I had a student once that also taught me a really valuable lesson. We were doing the self-compassion learning to like ourselves, learning to be kind to ourselves, and she broke up with her boyfriend and she told me I broke up with my boyfriend because [00:42:00] my boyfriend thinks I'm stupid. And because I thought I was stupid, it was okay.

But now I don't think I'm stupid anymore and I don't wanna be around people who think I'm stupid. 

Speaker: That's so powerful, 

Speaker 4: right? The lower you've the less you like yourself, the less the terrible things you allow yourself to say about you. You will allow other people to say about you. So I would start now that you will come full circle.

I would say for people who are starting to wanna be kind, I would start with yourself first. 

Speaker 3: And accepting compliments. How about that? Compliments? That's where I tell people if you can't accept a compliment, you're gonna, you're gonna find jerks. You are totally. But once you start allowing compliments in, and again, one thing too is people will tell me, it's oh people think I'm better than them.

It's no. You can be confident and we're all, we're all doing the best we can. We need everyone to do what we're doing right now. We need the janitors, the Uber drivers. We need the CEOs. We need this. We need everyone has a [00:43:00] part to play. Like we need everybody. There's not one better than another.

We need everyone. Yeah. 

Speaker 4: Yeah. And it's just, it's about attitude. And we don't talk to anyone more than we talk to ourselves. Like I said, oh, I gotta take my stupid foot to the MR mri. That's how I was talking to myself. Oh, the stupid foot. It's just really bringing me down, yeah. When I gotta be kind and loving to my body and my foot. Right now. Yeah. And yeah, I would say start with yourself and think about how you talk to yourself and maybe lighten up a little bit. Be a little nicer. 

Speaker 3: Yeah. And maybe keep that negative critical voice a a name like Scrappy Do, or Marvin the Martian or, and give them a, some other job and being like, you know what, you're really good at kicking my ass and putting myself down.

Yeah. I'll send you to do a different job like I'm promoting you. 'cause you have to talk to their ego, right? 'cause they're better than everyone. It's yeah, I know you're helping me. And then bring in, it's get rid of the mayor of Crazy Town, which is of like just driving [00:44:00] ourselves crazy.

And then bring in like someone who's a kind, nurturing, supportive, strong, influence who's coaching you through the right things and will say positive things of Hey, yeah, we fell down. Everyone does, what did we learn from it? And let's get back up and keep going

yeah, like your best 

Speaker 4: friend, a best friend would. 

Speaker 3: There you go. Yes. 

Speaker 4: A best friend. 

Speaker 3: A kind best friend. Yes. And 

Speaker 4: then, and I have a friend that if I say something like, oh, wouldn't, I'm such an idiot, I forgot something, she'll say, don't talk to my friend like that. 

Speaker: Nice. Isn't that cute? I like that is cute.

Speaker 4: Because you wouldn't let your friend talk. Your friend wouldn't talk to you like that. You wouldn't talk to your friend like that. So she'll say, yeah. Don't talk to my friend like that. 

Speaker 3: Yeah, I like that a lot. Yeah. Awesome. Excellent. All right. Let's see. I know we have to wrap it up. If somebody, if anyone wants to contact you, would that be okay?

And if so, how would they contact you? 

Speaker 4: Yes, I would love people to contact me [00:45:00] first. You could join my Facebook group called $10 Kindness Club. That's just a challenge I gave my students a while ago about spending $10, but it's really just about posting kindness and a lot of it's free.

Or you can go to LinkedIn and find me at Francesca Donlin, where I'm posting every day about kindness. 

Speaker 3: I love it. So they can join your journey for the next six months. Yes. Kindness in a day, and you can follow up with how it's going. I love it. Is there any final words that you would like to share with the listeners as far as how maybe we can be more kindness or any thoughts that you'd like to bestow upon us as far as how to increase kindness in the world?

Speaker 4: I would just say recently I was with students who were four years old, pre-K little kids, and I said, all right, we're gonna do a game where we're gonna ask what do you like? What do you like about yourself? Yeah. And this little kid [00:46:00] raise their hand and she said, I like everything about myself. 

Speaker 5: That's awesome.

Speaker 4: And I just think about what happens to us, we're four and we just like it. We like everything about ourselves. And I just, I think we should just go all find that the 4-year-old in us, and just try to like the heck out of ourselves because if we do, it's gonna, it's gonna ripple out to the whole world.

Speaker: Yes. 

Speaker 4: And. If we could just be kind to ourselves, love ourselves, we can love this world, and we can eliminate some of this hate, and we can all light our candles, we can all do good. We never know the ripple effect of kindness, but it's real. It's scientifically proven, it's contagious. Please join and participate in the Kindness movement.

Speaker 3: I love it. I think those are wonderful words to end on. Francesca, thank you so much for being here today and maybe in at the end of your year long kindness year of [00:47:00] Kindness. We can have you back and then do a whole recap from the beginning, middle, and end. Absolutely. Okay. Alright. Thank you very much and keep up the good work and making the world a a little kinder one day at a time.

All right. Thanks so much. Bye.